Saturday, 18 November 2006

did you know?

While those forwards keep pouring our mailboxes, only few are remembered. This post specifically refers to one such forward - "useless facts". To respect the original author, i too have added comments to follow each fact (or group of them)

40 useless facts about animals (and my opinion about it)
1. A 1,200-pound horse eats about seven times it's own weight each year.
2. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
3. Starfish don't have brains.
('I know some people like that' category of facts)

4. Howler monkeys are the noisiest land animals. Their calls can be heard over 2 miles away.
(this also fits the category, calls being on cellphone)

5. When ants find food, they lay down a chemical trail, called a pheromone.
(this also fits the category. When they find food, they fart.)

6. A newborn kangaroo is about 1 inch in length. Young kangaroos are called joeys.
7. Large kangaroos cover more than 30 feet with each jump.
("mommy, teach me how to jump...... mommy.... where are you mommy? Michael.....?")

8. A rat can last longer without water than a camel can.
(rats should infest deserts, they have a strategic advantage and core competence)

9. A zebra is white with black stripes.
(i thought it was a brand of bra, white with black stripes)

10. Pet parrots can eat virtually any common "people-food" except for chocolate and avocados. Both of these are highly toxic to the parrot and can be fatal.
(corner house must have tested their innovation (DBC) on parrots.)

11. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
12. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
(What a pain for squids... one such was seen digging its own grave after catching common cold)

13. An electric eel can produce a shock of up to 650 volts.
(between two electric eels - "oh! look at poor Electra, how shocked she is at her boyfriend's survival, he knew it was her.")

14. If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
(out of fear)

15. Beaver teeth are so sharp that Native Americans once used them as knife blades.
(if native americans had gone to switzerland, may be a beaver would have been seen today having 25 teeth, each suited to a different purpose)

16. Catnip can affect lions and tigers as well as house cats. It excites them because it contains a chemical that resembles an excretion of the dominant female's urine.
(perverts!!)

17. Cheetahs make a chirping sound that is much like a bird's chirp or a dog's yelp. The sound is so an intense, it can be heard a mile away.
(bird - "chirrp" cheetah - "CHIRRRRP"
the bird flies off, the cheetah builds a rocket, flies out of atmosphere and chokes to death.)

18. Hummingbirds are the smallest birds - so tiny that one of their enemies is an insect, the praying mantis.
(such a mantis was seen praying - " Oh Lord, give us today our daily hummingbird")

19. In its entire lifetime, the average worker bee produces 1/12th teaspoon of honey.
20. The honeybee kills more people world-wide than all the poisonous snakes combined.
(a swarm to a honey-eating man - "you ruined our lives. asshole, take this.")

21. Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of earth in a day.
(there was news of underground metro-railway being made in Mumbai and Bangalore, too late for Delhi.)

22. Pigs, walruses and light-colored horses can be sunburned.
(see pic for proof, she really got tanned on the beach - after all a hippo is a water-horse....)

23. A woodpecker can peck twenty times a second.
(that was what previous post on this blog was about - Ig nobel awards and why woodpeckers don't get headache)

24. Snails produce a colorless, sticky discharge that forms a protective carpet under them as they travel along. The discharge is so effective that they can crawl along the edge of a razor without cutting themselves.
25. The fastest-moving land snail, the common garden snail, has a speed of 0.0313 mph.
(may be these two facts are corelated, it must be difficult to keep on shitting just to walk millimeters. but the fastest one must really have been exhausted.)
26. A snail can sleep for 3 years.
(Must have been the fastest one.)

27. The bloodhound is the only animal whose evidence is admissible in an American court.
("were you present when the culprit committed the crime?"
"woof woof"
"so is he guilty?"
"woof woof"
"in that case he will be convicted for a hanging. do you have anything else to say?"
"woof woof"
"so you were paid a million bones to testify against him?"
"woof woof"
"and daily free lunch at KFC?")

28. No two spider webs are the same.
(does that include spiderman? was www made by him?)
29. The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.
(we lose such a diversity of webs, just out of ignorance!)

30. The largest animal ever seen alive was a 113.5 foot, 170-ton female blue whale.
(so who says it is a male dominated society?)
31. All clams start out as males; some decide to become females at some point in their lives.
(see?)
32. Amazon ants (red ants found in the western U.S.) steal the larvae of other ants to keep as slaves. The slave ants build homes for and feed the Amazon ants, who cannot do anything but fight. They depend completely on their slaves for survival.
(see?)
33. Only female mosquitoes bite.
(naturally, after seeing those ants...)

34. Dolphins sleep with one eye open.
(new reasearch proves that dolphins like metallica more than other music)

35. In 1845, US President Andrew Jackson's pet parrot was removed from his funeral for swearing.
("die you jackass". his opponents called him jackass, and he liked it for some time, and eventually his party took the symbol of donkey.)
36. More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
(this was the election campaign of the republicans this time - that's why they lost)

37. The tsetse fly kills another 66,000 people annually.
(Santa - "If I kill this particular fly, will I be awarded Nobel prize for peace?"
Banta - "If not, you will surely get the Ig nobel prize")

38. The phrase "raining cats and dogs" originated in 17th Century England. During heavy downpours of rain, many of these poor animals unfortunately drowned and their bodies would be seen floating in the rain torrents that raced through the streets. The situation gave the appearance that it had literally rained "cats and dogs" and led to the current expression.
(have you heard the song "it's raining men?", maybe she sang that during a flood.)

39. The world record frog jump is 33 feet 5.5 inches over the course of 3 consecutive leaps, achieved in May 1977 by a South African sharp-nosed frog called Santjie.
("and the gold medal in triple jump goes to...... can you see him on the podium?")

and this is the punch -
40. The Kiwi can't fly. It lives in a hole in the ground, is almost blind, and lays only one egg each year. Despite this, it has survived for more than 70 million years.
(a polititian often flies, lives in big house on top of a hill, is fully blind to society, and lays multiple eggs each year. Despite this, it has survived for all the time democracy has been established)

2 comments:

A.G.Sudarshan said...

Hahahahahaha.... Amazing TP read! [:D]

Kartik said...

thanks :D