Trekking in the Scottish Watershed

"Raindrop to the East reaches the sea
And to the West the ocean, you see,"
Said Aylan, my trekking guide
"Watershed is a drainage divide."

You couldn't tell the two apart
In the air, did they depart
And hit the ground inches away
To each their own waterway.

I pictured the journey of a drop
At the lake's gate she had to stop.
'Practice the ritual oh your sweetness
Only then will you be called Loch Ness.

It's a privilege to go East from the Loch'
'Ah fine. But such thought is a lock.'
'You must be a keeper of the tradition'
'That I'm here, isn't of my volition'

Company to the sea wasn't too kind
Heretic was she who unlocked her mind
Asking too loud, 'What's the point?
The ocean and the sea are anyway joint'


"Edinburgh is charming and so is Glasgow"
Aylan said, "wherever a drop may flow.
The Watershed is a transient border
The borders in our minds caused a murder."



Notes:
I kept thinking about this theme when I read about Scottish Watershed few months back. You must have guessed the thoughts were not particularly about trekking or Scotland and obviously the choice of name is recent.

There is a safety principle in manufacturing plants - accidents don't happen, they are caused.

Another poetic response

Before also others' poems have inspired me to write. This one written few months back, may be out of context especially for those who were not part of discussions at wee hours. If you happen to read, try and read in the sequence. All three are strongly interlinked.

One - The original (seed)
Two - The response
Three - The re-response:

नया चाँद हर महिने आता रहेगा
हँसता गाता रहेगा, मुस्कुराता रहेगा
चाँद से ज्यादा चंचल तो हम ही हैं,
जानते हैं कि हर नया चाँद गुमनाम होता रहेगा |

फिर भी हम आस लगाए बैठते हैं कि वह हर रात सजाएगा
चुरा के ही सही, इतनी रौशनी भला वह भी कहाँ से लाएगा?
फिर अमावस पे वह नही आता, टूटते हमारे दिल
तब याद आते हैं तारे, आज फिर दिखते झिलमिल |

चाँद या तारे, दोनों के बिना अधूरी ही लगती है रात
अंतर बस यह कि हम ही हैं देखते चाँद को अरमानों के साथ
तारों के साथ हम अरमानों के कोई बंधन नहीं रखते
इसी लिए लगते हैं वो अपने, हो पाती है उनसे दिल की बात |

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

सब तारों में एक, कोने में अकेला बैठा रहता है
लोग पाते उसको अचल, उत्तर दिशा दिखाता है
पर लोग क्या जाने, हाय! कैसी चक्कर आती है...
एक दो ही नहीं, पूरी दुनिया जो मंडराती है |

पूनम पे तो मुरझाता है, जलता है चाँद से थोडा सा
और अमावस पे तुम्हे गुमसुम देख, होता है मायूस सा
लेकिन उस ध्रुव ने भी ठानी है ध्रुव तारा बने रहने की
अमावस की रात जब चाँद न हो साथ, लोगों का साथ देने की |

उसके भी दिल की सुनने वाली होगी कोई परी
कफनी वाले जोगी का दिल हुआ है भारी
तड़प रहा है वो भी ऐसे ही किसी के साथ के लिए
किसी के नही, शायद उसी एक हाथ के लिए |

- कार्तिक
९ अप्रैल २००९

Few days back my ex-boss passed away, suffering from a medical condition. Intelligent, professional and full of drive, at times he was perceived as eccentric. The news left with a weird and dumbfounding feeling.

The point isn't to attach labels of adjectives especially to a person no more. Rather the point is that many failed to see the innocent heart obscured by our perception of eccentricity.

We don't appreciate as often as we criticize.

May you R.I.P. Ulpa Thapar.

tired

Frankly I'm tired of the glorified rat race.
Not because we rats join it, but because the race breeds more rats, or so it is designed.
However, I should clarify that rats are the most supreme intellectual beings in the universe, as the conventional wisdom⁽¹⁾ goes.

Frankly, I've stopped looking forward to count Gandhiji's face.
Not because it's the means not ends, but because there's much more to get yourself aligned.
However, you may say that you need to buy that alignment too. I disagree. After me, my alignment goes.

Somehow, I've put my dreams on the backseat
With the faith that the spark⁽²⁾ will live for long
I am taking up more responsibilities, few which are a burden.

Somehow, there are no drums and no beat
With the assurance that my life will be song
I am falling in the trap, and not exploring the garden.

I am pushing time, another month passes
Buried deeply in work, study and classes
Not bothering to take a look outside
Snubbing others' existence⁽³⁾ in my own pride.

I will be another one among oh-so-glorious faces
Looking at the world from my rose-tinged glasses
This poem should become more structured, I decide
I lack the taste, but there's no restaurant I've not tried.


Notes -
1: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams
2: Chetan Bhagat's speech: Keep the Spark
3: The Disadvantages of Elite Education, by William Deresiewicz

Would you - III

(Previously: Would you part I and part II)

After the introspection, I find myself inconsistent and irrational. For instance,

• I would like to donate part of my fortune (II.5). However I am strongly against giving alms to any beggar (I.5).
• Someone would not give way even when the vehicle behind honks (I.3), but he would connive with colleagues while not accepting bribe himself (II.3).
• Someone would donate a part of lottery earnings (II.5.1), but she would not accept that extra earnings are also windfall (II.5.4).
• Someone may hope to elect unpopular candidate (II.9), but may not choose solar energy (II.10) or may not switch foods (II.8). Yet each one of that set is a vote against a convenient choice.
• I would not require another Rs 100 note (II.4), a beggar will be much better off with it, but I may not pick it up to pass it to him. If I am well off than average person on road, should I let others pick the note lying on road, or should I pick it up and donate it (II.5)?
• I may want to donate a part of my fortune for social cause. How do I make sure it reaches its intended recipients (II.7)? How do I justify deliberate redistribution of wealth (I.5,6,7,8 II.1,4,5,6,7) in case it reaches wrong recipients?

Won't free markets work better than any deliberate redistribution of wealth? Why should I push my opinion strongly if I believe in free markets, and if I accept that the other person is free to believe otherwise (and both can be correct)?

I don't know. I wish I had answers that didn't prompt more questions. I would like to know whether you have thought on these lines, and if you too are short of answers.

Reasons for this apparent inconsistency, I feel are a combination of the following

1. The questions described above are not standalone example of single phenomenon. Saving someone, saving a beautiful person, paying from your pocket and not hurting your arch-rival are a package in single question. It will be very difficult to frame such impartial questions and to answer them honestly.
2. There is inherent limit we set to our deeds. For example - would you kill someone for Rs 100? Rs 1 lac? Rs 100 cr? for survival?
3. We prioritize among money, sex, relations, ideas, recognition, self-actualization etc differently. Not only we see others' priorities as irrational, we ourselves are guided by different priorities at different situations.
   

All this effort is not to point inconsistencies in our thinking (there might even not be any and I am no one to do so). It is to make one think about self and his/her choices, to make him/her introspect.

Would you - II

Previously: Would you part I)

1. Would you demand a bribe being a babu?
• from a poor person who cant pay it?
• from a rich person who can afford, but is known to be a philanthropist?
• from a rich person who can afford, and is known to possess lot of black money?


2. Would you accept bribe even if you don't want to, but because peers pressurize you?
3. Would you connive with other corrupt people instead, but not accept bribe yourself?


4. Would you pick up Rs 100 note lying on road
• when no one is watching?
• when someone is watching you, but you can act as if it fell from your pocket?
• when no one is watching but you know that someone is looking for money lost?


5. Would you donate a part of your fortune
• if you picked up the above note?
• if you won a gold coin in packet of chips as part of marketing scheme?
• if you are earning more than you deserve (in your opinion)?
• if you are earning more than you require?


6. Would you live a simple life, reduce your consumption so that you can donate more?
7. Would you stop donating if you find that your money is being pocketed by uninteded beneficiaries?


8. Would you switch from non-veg to veg because more people can be fed from veg (or from some food to some less tasty food)?
9. Would you vote against a popular (set to win) candidate known to be corrupt, just because your vote may matter?
10. Would you switch to solar power even if it costs more than saving in electricity bill, but saves CO2 emissions?

Next: Part III

Would you - I

This is a series of 3 posts. Basically series of questions, of which I myself don't have consistent and fixed answers. In the end what I have is only more questions.

Answer the following questions. All the questions are of the form "Would you ....... (do something)". Be honest to yourself. There are no right or wrong answers. This is not a test, so there are no results, only more questions.

1. would you skip a signal
• if the signal just turned red and the next vehicle goes ahead?
• if the signal just turned red and the next vehicle stops?
• if the signal just turned red and the next vehicle stops at 3 am?


2. Would you wait for the red signal timer (at ten) to be zero if person behind you honks continuously?
• Would you give way to that person?



3. Would you pick someone else's shoes outside temple if you can't find yours


4. Would you rush an injured beautiful person, lying on road, to hospital?
• if s/he is poor and you may need to spend from pocket?
• if s/he is the person you hate the most?


5. Would you give a rupee to a beggar who doesnt want to work?
• if he is handicapped?
• if he is fully healthy?


6. Would you stop giving a rupee to healthy beggars because they may start to earn by working?


7. Would you resist paying to eunuch even facing harassment?
8. Would you resist paying ransom to an extortionist?


9. Would you you want to be a terrorist ending up killing someone who believes otherwise?
10. Would you criticize other religions because their beliefs contradict yours?
11. Would you you want to be a gangster knowing that you will kill someone just like you?
12. Would you you want to be a soldier knowing that you will kill someone just like you?
    

Next: Part II and III.

Half Way Through

Living every day in the fast pace
All dull work without a grace
Each one struggles to find own place
Where's his face? There's no trace.

Noises, fights, quarrels, affrays
3.3 for consult, because it pays
"Ain't no rat", his conscience says,
"I want brighter days, in my own ways."

Half way through the rough waters
Falling in love with Knopfler & Waters
"GPA?" ask Kotlers and Kotters
Careless he mutters, "It hardly matters!"

Pursue his dream, all does he care
Melody and beat, guitar and snare
'Cause, the truth when it's laid out bare,
Is not money or chair, but finding your flair.


- In response/echo with a couple of thoughtful posts in last few days - by Nikky and Kandarp
we are half Yum Bee Ye already....

the organization kid

From the organization kids being bred at Princeton -

[...]But nowhere did I find any real unhappiness with this state of affairs; nowhere did I find anybody who seriously considered living any other way. These super-accomplished kids aren't working so hard because they are compelled to. They are facing, it still appears, the sweetest job market in the nation's history. Investment banks flood the campus looking for hires. Princeton also offers a multitude of post-graduation service jobs in places like China and Africa. Everyone I spoke to felt confident that he or she could get a good job after graduation. Nor do these students seem driven by some Puritan work ethic deep in their cultural memory. It's not the stick that drives them on, it's the carrot. Opportunity lures them. And at a place like Princeton, in a rich information-age country like America, promises of enjoyable work abound—at least for people as smart and ambitious as these. "I want to be this busy," one young woman insisted, after she had described a daily schedule that would count as slave-driving if it were imposed on anyone.

[snip]

In short, at the top of the meritocratic ladder we have in America a generation of students who are extraordinarily bright, morally earnest, and incredibly industrious. They like to study and socialize in groups. They create and join organizations with great enthusiasm. They are responsible, safety-conscious, and mature. They feel no compelling need to rebel—not even a hint of one. They not only defer to authority; they admire it. "Alienation" is a word one almost never hears from them. They regard the universe as beneficent, orderly, and meaningful. At the schools and colleges where the next leadership class is being bred, one finds not angry revolutionaries, despondent slackers, or dark cynics but the Organization Kid.

[big snip]

Maybe the lives of the meritocrats are so crammed because the stakes are so small. All this ambition and aspiration is looking for new tests to ace, new clubs to be president of, new services to perform, but finding that none of these challenges is the ultimate challenge, and none of the rewards is the ultimate reward.

I am afraid students at IIMB (and at other elite institutes) more or less belong to the same class - self-imposed workaholism, no motivation to question authority (rational ignorance) and no motivation to get hands dirty (high opportunity costs). I am not sure where I belong, but it does sound disturbing. Something needs to change.

(Link from India Uncut)

कुठेस तू

तू आता कशी असशील, थोडा घाबरलोय
तू अजून तशीच असशील? थोडा बावरलोय...
आज तू पुन्हा मला जवळ करशील? कारण,
इतक्या दिवसात मी पण थोडा बदललोय...

हल्ली रोज रात्री झोप सुद्धा थकून म्हणते -
प्रेमात "पडलेला" तुला असे कधीच पाहिले नव्हते.

गळ्यातली गाणी, खिशातली नाणी
पण डोळ्यातले पाणी आणि मन सुन्न;
वाटले मी चंचल असेन, अजून कोणी पुसेल,
मन पुन्हा फसेल, पण जगच किती भिन्न !

माझी कथा माझी व्यथा कशी मी आज सांगू तुला
न कळे कधी माझ्यातला एक हिस्सा हरवला.

तोपर्यंत माझीच समजूत कशी घालत राहू ?
कधी पर्यंत बोलणे असेच टाळत राहू ?

नकार जरी असला तरी तो आज मला कळू दे
अजून थोडी समजूतदार झालीस तू आज.... आज तरी तुला भेटू दे.

- कार्तिक
१० डिसेंबर २००६

moving on

i don't smoke. i don't drink as much. but i'm addicted to quizrooms on dc. after deciding to quit, twice i felt like playing again. but now i've quit. well, almost....

i used to be addicted to aoe. then i quit. then i am playing cs for some time now. i'll quit that too someday.

i used to be in love. then i quit thinking about it.

i write blog whenever i feel like expressing myself to my other self. someday i'll quit that.

i'm looking forward to a job which will give me money. after some time, i'll stop looking forward.

i want to live life happily. some day i'll go to himalaya and live an ascetic life.

i try to set things right, if i feel something should be changed so that the world could be a better place to live. someday i'll quit.

i'm an optimist to the core. sometimes i quit being an optimist.

Everything happens for a reason

Events in past couple of weeks have firmly reinstated my belief in the above rationale.

first, I could not score well in cat 2005 despite huge expectations of my friends and myself. Then I saw random people getting placed in good companies in the campus interviews. Sometimes I strongly believed that I (or some other fellow) was far better candidates for that job profile. Many times I almost denied the existence of God. I wondered why this was happening to me.

Then came the so much dreaded friday the 13th.... after tiring rounds of tests and interviews - there were total of 5 tests, 2 interviews and a group activity in that day (and another interview was to be conducted, but got postponed to next day) I was always unsure whether I would get through to next round. But I kept on qualifying and eventually got a job worth Rs 7.0L p.a. in British Telecom, Banglore which suited my aptitude very well. What more could I have asked for?

Just in one day all the frustration was gone... no worry that I could not get through in CAT, no dilemma whether to go for further studies or to persue a job - though this brought a careless attitude for quite a time. (hell yeah... why not?)

There should have been something serendipitious in Varadpande family's horroscope during those days. on 12'th my elder brother got through in CA finals - that too 210+190 (if you don't know how lucky is that - CA final has 2 groups I & II. Each group has 4 papers of 100 marks each. To pass the group one requires to score 40+ in each paper and 50% aggregate. If you appear for both groups together, you can offset your scores in both groups i.e. you need 50% aggregate in the 8 papers with 40+ in each.)

The next morning, on 13'th, I was just hoping that luck would strike me that day. My wingwate, Rahul Mundra adviced me to wear the "lucky" shirt and tie on that day (this tie has a 100% record - P&G, Schlums and then BT). And yes, throughout the day I had the gut-feeling - "I will make it today." I am not superstitious, but the coincidence literally rocked me.

Then came the tiring practices of ETMS and wildfire. For almost a week I slept for 3-4 hours daily (mostly in the day), missed almost all the classes. I also missed Shankar Mahadevan's show in SF while picking up bass line in erotomania. Last night practice of wildfire came out very well and we were almost sure of getting through to finals. We even chose our songlist such that better songs would be played in the finals. Then the disasters struck (very aptly described in Apro's blog). It was so disappointing, knowing that it will be difficult to play with the same team again. I just hope it would not be entirely impossible.

We did fair enough in ETMS production. The so anticipated win in Sargam had us consoled little bit. I will miss the society very much. Because of these 2 music teams, my stay in kgp got fast forward in the last 2 years.

After the wildfire finals, the disappointment rather turned into an experience - we rarely had a chance to perform on such a big stage and whenever we could have, something or other popped up in the way. (b t w Faith, Hobos and Skinny Ally were just awesome.)

In retrospcet, everything happened for a reason - I could not get a job till then, because such a better job was waiting. I did not qualify through CAT, maybe I will have another go after 2 years of this job-ex, and maybe that would be more appropriate. Wildfire prelims were disastrous - it taught us many valuable things like care to be taken to set the patches on guitar processor, need of efficient sound check, adjusting to the accoustics of a place and most importantly, accepting a defeat and aspiring for a new horizon.

Call it serendipity, call it superstition, call it faith, call it rationalisation or call it absurdity, the series of events definitely brought a more mature self out of me. For I have realized something abouth the greyness of life.... nothing is perfect nor is anything perfectly imperfect. Being rational whatver I do will always keep me satisfied, regardless of what the fate throws to me.

Espescially after Skinny ally's performance, I am very much attracted to Jazz. I hope I get along with Mohit, Apro, Mukul and Vinod again and form a band after we pass out from here. I wish...

A story

This is the story of my friend Sumit. He was a shop-floor supervisor by profession. Despite his intelligence and skills, his lack of attitude to take initiative (the company management called it laziness) and introvert nature always elongated his promotions. Though he actually wanted to be a story-writer, he hardly tried to write one. And when tried to come up with a stroy... this is what happened.

Frequently, he had to visit the sister plant of his company. He preferred staying in hotel there than long trips from home everyday. On one such trip he finally resolved to write. Interestingly, there was another aspiring story-writer Amit in his first story. Owing to his laziness to think of anything different, Sumit tried to create the kind of atmophere around his hero exactly like what he was under. He wrapped the story in a shared jeep ride from bus stand to his Uncle's home in the village.

The ride went from places to places in the town. He met fellows, some he tried to remember, some he wished to forget. He tried various activities to keep from boredom - tried to spark a conversation with the girl sitting nearby, winked and grimaced at the child sitting in front of him, observed the old man dozing on the shoulder of his neighbor, sympathized with that neighbor, had an arguement with the driver for driving fast on the bumpy road.

Sometimes he felt the road was too long and it would take eternity to reach Nani's home. Sometimes he missed the scenes passing by, being occupied in his thoughts or in his activities. Finally he took out his diary and tried to scribble something. It wasn't long before he understood that even he could not make sense of those garbled writings. He cursed the road and the driver again.

When Sumit finished the story, his mind was ecstatic. He felt relieved after emptying his mind into words. After so long somebody had listened to his inner self and he had tried to communicate with somebody, by himself. He read the story again.... The story did not have any attractive event or a character in detail. But he knew that. It was so much peculiar - so much familiar - a kind of a deja vu.

But who will read such a platitudinous story - he thought. There was nothing special, nothing captivating, everything so languid. So how about a change... after all it was just a story.

Sumit fancied a ride - with everything perfect - everything. The road was smooth. The jeep was posh (!). The girl talked to Amit for at least few minutes. There was no driver-seat, actually he din't care to look for the driver. There was a cute child sitting in front of him, constantly looking towards him and smiling. Amit also tried to smile back. Sumit felt exalted after making Amit so happy.

Before the change, he had bred himself into his brainchild. Now he felt Amit's life was much happier than his own. He pondered over this discrepancy... his hero was not like himself anymore. He wanted to fill in the gap between the two. But how could he deprive Amit of the bliss? Wouldn't that be unfair to him?

The phone rang. Sumit was already in trance contemplating over the discrepancy. His wife had to call him again to break his thoughts. He could hardly concentrate on her regular questions. He reassured her that he was alright and it would not take long before he comes back home. Before hanging up, something flashed in his mind. He asked her about their son Rahul. After a long pause, she asked him to get some sleep and hung up abruptly. Her voice sounded plaintive.

Sumit frowned. Everything in their life had been so perfect - so smooth, there should not have been any reason for her to be sad.

Amit's trip occupied his mind again. He decided to elaborate a bit on the child in front of him. Such a cute little boy. Amit asked his name. the child blushed and ran towards his grandpa dozing off on neighbor's shoulder. Waking him up, the boy smiled at Amit. Amit asked his name again. The boy said, "Rahul" and hid his face in grandpa's coat.

Sumit felt very calm and serene.

I have decided not to write any story about my life. Sumit's story haunts me everytime I pick up my pen.